Still Moving.

IMG_5046I’m writing to a very different travel rhythm today. I managed to conquer guilt and shame about going away again, after such a long recent holiday. I pushed past the barrier of thinking that every hour I’m not working in my mundane job I should be slogging away in front of the computer writing, or wearing a gas mask and crafting, and instead took up an offer to stay in a very old converted church in Cornwall for two days.
My vocation and joy in life comes from creating.Yeah, there’s a lot of passionate work involved in that, but it’s so easy to get lost in a ‘have to’ ethic and forget that creativity and inspiration can lie just as much in risk taking, physical exploration and movement as in playing games inside my head and translating them into words or objects.
So I’m sitting in a massive old Methodist chapel, converted in a rustic way and still bloody cold, but filled with warmth from many years of being a hub, support and meeting place for the residents of the Cornish countryside that surrounds it.
Very different from the Catholic high glamour and overwhelming arches that I grew up with. Unapproachable, untouchable, cool cruel beauty and more about gilding than the burnished well trod wood that the place I’m staying in, contains.
The light (and heating) is best in the top bedroom which I’m presently camped in.
I can look out one window and see limitless green, and a window at the other side of the house shows the blur of a nearby sea.
Something seems to have shifted for me in the last few years.
I’m not as afraid of taking risks as I was for so many years.
Of course there is still the aforementioned guilt and shame about not doing enough, not producing enough, but those emotions don’t control me anymore.
Perhaps it is a natural part of aging . There have been points in my life where things have been so horribly painful; an awareness of how awful life can be that negates fears that could prevent the occasional convention pushing or adventurous and seemingly irresponsible behaviour.
I was in a small pub in Australia recently, where there was strange hybrid Bulgarian live music playing to a young pretentiously bohemian audience.
I found myself toe tapping and feeling in the mood to dance and it briefly crossed my mind that it might be inappropriate for a fifty year old woman to dance in such a place.
I danced anyway, and it was wonderful.

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About charlottejane2002

Author of 'P is for Prostitution', 'The Bloody Sacrifice' and co-editor of 'A Contemporary Western Book of the Dead' which are all published by Mandrake of Oxford. Italian publisher Roberto Migliussi has recently released 'The Sky is a Gateway, Not a Ceiling', a book of Charlotte's collected essays printed alongside images of his own art work. Charlotte is also an artist who creates spiritually directed art works from road kill and found objects. She has had her written work printed in anthologies and various magazines and on line publications and has given presentations at many events and institutions including Edinburgh University and Brooklyn's 'Museum of Morbid Anatomy'. Her art work has been exhibited widely including at London's Chelsea Gallery and The Bath Royal Literary and Scientific Institute, and is soon to be shown in New York.
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One Response to Still Moving.

  1. diannebaker74 says:

    So much resonates…🦄🌈🌱✨❤️

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