Budget Edition Mid-Life Crisis.

image.jpegToday’s rhythm shall be encapsulated by the rather splendid word ‘discombobulated’.
I’m in London and not really sure why. I should be at home working, with financial related anxiety issues edging past the corners of my eyes as I obsessively create for an upcoming exhibition.
I don’t seem alone in my perhaps, generation orientated panic.
Many friends in my 50-ish age group are reevaluating their life choices and how much control they actually have over their destiny.
I’m at the bottom end of the pile, financially anyway. To an extent my years living as a ducking and diving junkie, have given me an edge in that I’m adept at seeing every angle to gain enough funds to get by.
On one level I have the freedom to do what I want, and always manage to find the means to express that, but on another I’m occasionally so broke that I can’t afford bus fare and to eat as well as I’d like to.
God knows what will happen to me in later years although various friends and myself have discussed possibilities of living in some sort of arty geriatric, self supporting co op.
A few of my peers are the proverbial high fliers, and the huge wages they receive suddenly don’t seem so golden as they find themselves in un-lived in flats filled with beautiful objects and dust, working for organisations that see them as two dimensional disposable cogs.
Other people are trying to work out a next step, but are constrained by medical concerns that allows little freedom to manoeuvre.
Then there are those like me.
No children, a tad left field, and suddenly noticing that every year brings further deaths within our age bracket which seems to necessitate some reactive change as a response.
Live fast and damn the consequences? Well I did that years ago, and am still recovering, so perhaps that isn’t the best option.
Travel and adventure and experience as much as possible seems to be the choice of most of us, unless you are one of the rare beings who can appreciate and enjoy life in situ, and strangely enough I know no one like that.
To get to the crux of the matter. I’m broke and cannot afford to catch a plane, so the onus at this point is on trains and buses.
Now, I’m off to explore London equipped with sturdy shoes, a thermos of coffee and a free listings guide.

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About charlottejane2002

Author of 'P is for Prostitution', 'The Bloody Sacrifice' and co-editor of 'A Contemporary Western Book of the Dead' which are all published by Mandrake of Oxford. Italian publisher Roberto Migliussi has recently released 'The Sky is a Gateway, Not a Ceiling', a book of Charlotte's collected essays printed alongside images of his own art work. Charlotte is also an artist who creates spiritually directed art works from road kill and found objects. She has had her written work printed in anthologies and various magazines and on line publications and has given presentations at many events and institutions including Edinburgh University and Brooklyn's 'Museum of Morbid Anatomy'. Her art work has been exhibited widely including at London's Chelsea Gallery and The Bath Royal Literary and Scientific Institute, and is soon to be shown in New York.
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4 Responses to Budget Edition Mid-Life Crisis.

  1. Gordon says:

    London is the best city in the world to be really rich or have absolutely no money. It’s rose-tinted, but I look back on my ‘free London’ days with fondness.

    • O I agree completely- especially if you are mobile and curious. I’m happy as, wandering around and exploring. Everything is an adventure if you’re in the right headspace. I remember my father who loved London, saying that no place could be more wonderful but also more lonely.

  2. That crazy place between planning and panic. There’s got to be a balance there, right? It’s all good while we can still do, but I wonder what it will feel like at 60 and beyond. An arty geriatric coop doesn’t sound so bad. Have fun in London. Great city.

  3. Maybe the fun lies in that crazy place, because that’s the zone where serendipity and adventure exist? For me it’s just moving past the fear, and that’s what writing it all out does. O I had a fabulous time, learned lots, saw new things and came back feeling stronger.

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